The Lost Drive-By Visit

Does anybody do the drive-by visit anymore? Have cell phones killed people's ability to be spontaneous and just drive to see someone?

I recently did a drive-by, my first in many years - mainly because it has been a while since I've been near any friends who would appreciate a visit - and I happened to have my wife with me on this occasion. I didn't even think about it, it was just something I was going to do. The friends were literally 1 minute divergence from the path I was taking anyway, so it only made sense to stop since I had wanted to drop something off that I had borrowed, for a while. So, here is a paraphrase of the conversation with my wife on the way:

Me: "Hey, we're gonna stop at Fred's for a minute."
Her: "Oh, did he call?"
Me: "No."
Her: "Did you call him?"
Me: "No."
Her: "What if they're not home." (referring to Fred's wife in the "they")
Me: "Then I'll see them another time."
Her: "But you didn't call ahead. What if they're busy?!"
Me: "Then they won't answer the door or, if they do, then they'll tell me they're busy."
Her: "That rude. I don't understand why you wouldn't call. We're not going there and bothering them."
Me: "I don't see it as bothering them. They're our friends and like to see us. I'm not asking to stay for dinner. We're just stopping by on our way somewhere. I'd rather just visit than call and schedule something."

As it turned out, Fred and his wife were home, invited us in, and were happy to have a short visit. I had gaged the acceptance and openness of my friends correctly. There are some friends I wouldn't do a drive-by to, although very few because people who would actually have a big problem with it probably aren't people I'd like to be friends with. FYI, my wife is a lovely person and I'm not putting her down. I do not think her reaction to actually doing the drive-by is indicative of her response should we receive one. I feel she's just thinking through the action like everyone else today does.

Before I became all adult and professional, say around 23ish, I did drive-bys all the time. The practice mostly stopped because I moved to Washington D.C., away from my old chums and family, and DC is not very conducive to "popping over". But, even there, and other cities I found myself through life, if I was near enough to someone and had the desire, I had no problem rolling over to see them. I like the spontaneous nature of it and I really think people are pleasantly surprised by a personal visit when you really don't "need" to see them. Sometimes it's the drive itself that's fun. I've taken a drive out to a far-flung friend's house just because the drive is nice and seeing someone on the other end of it is a good excuse. If they're not there, well, it's still a nice drive.

My drive-by practice started during the early cell phone era when, obviously, you couldn't call ahead unless you called from your home. I could be weird in this drive-by thing, but I don't think so. I know other people would "just stop by" on their way somewhere. So, with everybody having cell phones now, have we killed our ability to do things unscripted and unscheduled? It's now rude not to call ahead. Why wasn't it before? Does the ability to do something confer a new protocol of politeness? I hope not. I don't want to live my life like I'm going to a popular restaurant all of the time. I don't call ahead for reservations on life. I'm certainly not going to reserve time with friends and family. In return I expect them to not feel obliged to accommodate me.

There's a yin and yang to this drive-by thing and I'm using it as a proxy for a deeper problem I think society is having with technology. The yin is me dropping by unannounced. The yang is my friends and family having the confidence in our relationship and the chutzpah of their own to wave me off with no hard feelings. Extrapolate this now to cell phones (voice and texting), Facebook, Twitter, email, and chat. I watch people run to their cell phone when it rings or there is a notification, conditioned to answer it no matter what the circumstances, short of them being on fire. Facebook comments and posts have to be answered. There is now a compulsion for instant gratification of both giving and receiving responses. I answer my cell phone when it is convenient for me. I call people back when I feel like it. I deal with Facebook, email, and chat when I have time. These are all tools for me, not other people. They're mine. I own them to use them how I please, not how it pleases others. So, I've seemingly gone off track here, but get this: the very same freedom that allows me to not be compelled to bow before my cell phone is also the same freedom that allows me to consider either giving or receiving a drive-by visit.

Because I'm not expecting someone to call to plan every little detail of our relationship, I don't require a call for someone to visit and I think my friends would all reciprocate. Maybe I even push them into it. Camel Feet is that guy who can just show up, but they expect that unexpected aspect of me, just as they expect me not to answer the phone every single time they call. And, back to the yin and yang, they know they can turn me away with absolutely no hard feelings. The people who feel they have to answer the phone are the same people who couldn't turn me away, regardless of how impractical it is for me to be there, and would truly think I was rude for even showing up without calling first. That's just a crappy way to go through life, in my opinion. If somebody calls at a bad time, I don't answer. If someone shows up at a bad time, I tell them it's a bad time. If I'm either on a call or someone is over and it becomes a bad time, I tell them. Why do people now have a hard time telling each other their real status and just plain being honest? Family and friends should be able to do that with one another, right?